Come gather 'round, Republicans, and come, good Democrat
I'll sing a song to make you pour the silver in my hat
You see me here before you in ragged clothes and torn
My story's sad as any man's who ever has been born

I say I was the President, and Richard is my name
And I was like unto a king in power and in fame
Oh I delare it all was true and when my story's done
I will take my seal of office out to show to everyone

I started out as humbly as any public man
But when I saw the creeping tide that threatened all the land
I took my forthright finger and I pointed just like this
Right straight at Helen Douglas and the same at Alger Hiss

Oh, then there came the bounty years --- I'd never seen the like
My eyes were opened to the world as I stood up with Ike
And when Nikita Kruschev tried to trap me in his lair
With the flashbulbs all a-blazing I defied the Russian Bear

But then there rose John Kennedy, so arrogant of mein
And with a glibness to his brain that I had never seen
With youthful face and figure he deprived me of my might
Till he fell to the public guns which proved me in the right

For two-and-twenty years I served the Nation well and good
And they at last returned to me, as faithful well they should
Upon the greatest plebecite this folk did e'er proclaim
The President of this great State they made me in their name

How did I steer the Ship of State across the monstered sea?
So artfully I made a friend of every enemy
The Russian Bear, the Dragon, too, they came with standards bent
And my name was carried to the Moon --- I was the President!

But when the war in Viet Nam with honor I made end
I then aroused the hatred of other greedy men
Who so wished for themselves that fame their pride my treaty galled
And they called me names in jealousy that all great men are called

They said that I have feet of clay --- I ask: What man has not?
But other men have not the glowing visions I have got
'Tis privileged of executives to lead as they see best
To win the higher aims of men and justify the rest

But there was too much of Haldeman and Mitchell and their kind
Too much of Dean and Erlichman --- they tangled up my mind
Seduced me and betrayed me till I was bent out of shape
Oh, if it were not for men like those, and miles and miles of tape

The Congress rose all frenziedly and so took me to task
As to hound me from my office, which was more than they should ask
They held my indiscretions up for all the world to see
And for such crimes as all have done they made a case of me

So I relinquished power though it went against my blood
The President should not be soiled by fighting in the mud
And so I fell as every prince falls hard upon his fate
Napoleon his Waterloo and I my Watergate

And now it's to my last abode they have remanded me
With my last hundred thousand, here to live in poverty
By the shores of San Clemente till all the tides run cold
I will ponder on my yesterdays when all I touched was gold

But now I'll show my token, which I promised you should see.........
Well I've just looked in my pocket where I thought that it should be
It sustained me through my illness and the whitening of my hair
Now I've looked in all my pockets and it isn't anywhere

Oh, you would have like to see it, the symbol of the land
I know you all believe me that I held it in my hand
I thought I had it here with me, I can't think where it went
My name is Richard Nixon............I AM THE PRESIDENT!